Good ol' alexiuss has been using my computer all day and forgot to log out of his DA account, so this is him getting trolled.
With love, Humon.
|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
wedding timesI got married to :iconmeeshkamodel: , yay.
See if you can spot the person who plays/inspired the personality of :iconpilotfanclub: in this picture:
(hint: the gaze bores into your soul)
Much wedding cake was had, almost as much as was thrown at our table during MCM london show (after Captain demanded cake) and 40+ cakes and cupcakes were brought.
You can support RA / send us a wedding gift via:
ENGIE: PROTOCOL 1-1-3Zee Captain's note of summons had sealed my fate.
I felt a cold pull at my stomach. Something else was coming, re-awakened by the presence of Captain.
Something worse than the shuffling noises of the red beasts outside. The sound of falling cannonball.
Whatever that fleshy monstrosity was, it cared not for me, but it's presence here led ANNIE straight to me.
...And it came to pass on the morrow, that the goddess in the machine came upon me and she wanted vengeance.
She was online, the thermonuclear bombardment of the core databank cube had failed to shut her down.
She was still alive, after all these years.
The explosive crash-landing of the hunter machine through the old roof drew THEIR attention.
I was now between two wild beasts, out for my blood.
What was Protocol 1-1-3?
Memories of Directorate weapon codes lingered in my mind, poisoning my thought pattern.
Could it be?
...So this was to be my death.
ANNIE had let me know that she
ENGIE: RegretsI was at first too stupid to see that we were no longer using ANNIE but Annie was using us.
She was a goddess in the machine, our search engine.
We used her to collect and share knowledge and in return she had started to use us as her processors. It was an unexpected transition and it took a long time, thus I failed to notice it, failed to stop it. The new organism had come to life in which we were only neuron cells of her massive mind, that spanned continents.
Humanity no longer had a chance to survive in it's current state. We had poisoned the oceans, we had scorched the earth and blackened the sky in our quest for power.
The world we knew was dying. I knew that this decade would be our last. The city would fall to the Zone, sooner or later.
Research notes from the last report of Charles Snippy terrified me greatly. They had found something horrid in the Dead Zone. Something that killed them all.
The Dead Zone Research and Tourism i
THE CHURCH OF GOOGLISMSTEP 1: The problem.
You have a problem.
Don't tell me you don't have problems.
Everyone has problems.
Determine what your biggest problem is.
Don't have a big problem? Too scared to admit it?
You can start smaller- How about a small problem?
How about something that concerns/bothers/confuses you today/this week/recently?
Come up with a bunch of keywords that describe your problem.
STEP 2: Ask google for solution to your problem.
Google your question using ALL the possible keyword combinations that your problem relates to or has in it.
See if anyone already has a similar problem or has already resolved it.
Take 3 hours if you must.
Finding correct information can get tough, especially if it is obscure, hidden, answered incorrectly or has conflicting answers.
Answers without proper sources or evidence are generally incorrect and should be disregarded.
If there are too many conflicting solutions and opposing answers and you're not sure which is correct,
Use the principle of
SNIPPY: REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAYOctober something, something.
Today captain declared as "REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAY".
The day begun with me getting smacked with a broken laptop and yells "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!".
I tried to protest that laptops weren't attacking people in the mornings back in the past. To this, Captain declared that in fact they didn't have to, because users were so addicted to reading their daily mail facts that every morning they woke up smacking their heads on their laptops.
Then my head was treated to a barrage of empty, metal SPAM cans with words "SPAM MAIL! DODGE THE SPAM! USE FILTERS!".
With these words, captain gave me two old tennis rackets. The tennis rackets had yellow duck-tape stickers on them with words "DELETE" and "BLOCK EMAIL ADDRESS".
The spam can attack didn't end there, Pilot's job for today was hiding behind building ruins and throwing the spam cans at me at random intervals with yells of "INCREASE YOUR GENITAL SIZE!", "RUSSIAN BRIDE LOVES YOU" and "I AM NIGERIAN PRINCE WITH 56 BILL
SNIPPY: QUESTIONABLE REALITYI definitely thought about killing Captain, especially after several pranks that were pulled on me like that time when I woke up with a bucket super-glued to my head and declared "iron man".
Or that time when Captain made a soup out of my gas mask filters because the broth needed the "Smooth flavour of Snippy" and salt wasn't available... so I had to roam the decaying shopping malls for a new pair.
Or that time when Captain pushed me into a watery abyss inside a wooden barrel to celebrate "Niagara falls day".
Have my thoughts become so compounded as to finally cause schizophrenia?
...Am I a stone throw away from becoming like Pilot, talking to pet rocks and building the Bastion of Captania out of rotting shoe boxes?
And if I were to kill Captain who would I have left?
I must have been talking out loud like those crazy hobos that lived outside the protectorate dome that communicated with radioactive rain clouds via conversations of interpretive dance, until they were consumed by a famil
PILOT: THINGS I LIKETHE TINY TAG ON MY INSIDE FOLD OF MY JACKET SAYS "SG CHRISTOPHORUS HATCHENSON".
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SOMEONE I LIKE.
MAYBE I KILLED THEM FOR THIS JACKET.
THIS JACKET IS SOFT AND FITTING.
I AM PILOT. CAPTAIN CALLS ME PILOT, SO I MUST BE PILOT.
I FLY THINGS. I FLEW THE CAPTAIN ONCE ON A MISSION OF GREAT IMPORTANCE. WE HAD A SKY-ACCIDENT.
CAPTAIN SAVED MY LIFE FROM THE BURNING CARCASS OF THE FLYING COW.
CAPTAIN IS MAGIC, LIKE HARRY POTTER BUT MORE MAGIC.
CAPTAIN CAN STOP CLOCKS, I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT. THE COW'S CLOCKS AND DIALS FROZE IN PLACE WHEN CAPTAIN GAVE THEM A STERN LOOK.
THE MIRACLES OF CAPTAIN ARE INFINITE AND GREAT.
CAPTAIN LIVES FOREVER. I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE.
THE CITY OF THE DEAD IS MY HOME.
THE DEAD LIKE TO PLAY GAMES AND TALK TO ME,
Snippy: poem of doomI've a lot of time on my hands living inside the whale and such. ....So, today I wrote a poem about Captain:
Oh Captain, my Captain! I say it to mock,
You're lucky as hell but to me you're a c***.
Please spare me the missions, I've no head for heights,
Balloons and big lists lead me only to blights.
Evading the probes of an alien race,
Then having to witness your > : ( angry face...
But what choice have I? I'm involved in these fights,
With Cancerous space-monsters full of red sprites,
And Lemonade weirdos and God knows what next,
Just how can you stay so serene and unvexed?
What price should I pay for your simple delights,
Be eaten by whales after soiling my whites?
I know you won't listen, but you'll come unstuck,
And one of these days you'll run right out of luck,
Your empire will fall, and your ego besides,
It's karma for sure, like the turn of the tides,
And then I will lol, sitting in my own muck,
Coz after all this I just won't
Charles Snippy: DreamsEntry 382:
My personal online psychiatrist is making me narrate this nonsense down on the chip embedded in my tooth in hopes that someday I may be cured of my "incompatibility" with ANNET, or at least possibly reduce the "mild psychosis caused by work-related stress" as she calls it.
I know that it's not going to happen. The problem is something genetic and while those goons in the genetics department would love to get their machines into my brain, I prefer the lack of sleep and headaches to lobotomy.
I seen the reports on their test subjects: "total neural shut-down", "subject resists integration with the net, increasing the signal strength lead to damage to the 85% of the frontal lobe."
Call me old fashioned, but I like my brain the way it is.
I've had that day-dream again. Day-mare is more likely.
A flash-mare? Not sure what to call these, really.
The transmitter towers dotting this bloody city are making my life difficult, but not as difficult as the fact that everyone expects me t
a tale of butterOnce you start reading this, you cannot turn back.
Well you could, but would you reeeeeeeeally want to do it?
KEEP ON READING OR YOUR EYES WILL IMPLODE.
One day, humon was surfing the internet.
She was just looking at her favorite pages when all of a sudden a new tab opened up.
She was confused, since she didn't click on any link whatsoever. The tab didn't show anything, just a white screen. When she tried to close the tab, nothing happened. She kept pressing the X to close it, but instead the tab turned to full size. Suddenly, the white screen of the tab turned completely black.
It wasn't only the tab screen that turned black, all the button and everything else on her screen did the same.
Even her mouse disappeared off the screen.
After a little while, she decided to turn her computer off because she simply thought it was broken.
This was a fatal mistake.
Out of nowhere, a full screen picture of :iconcaptainfanclub: appeared on the black screen.
It was most unexpected.
As she loo
The Roommate Adventures of ~THE SUNKEN SINK~While I was too busy stressing over the issues with the 1000 Words book and trying to fix the problems, I failed to mention some other, sillier, problems we've had since moving to a new apartment.
It went something like this:
Roommate: Wenqing!!! The sink fell!!!
Me: ...What?! (in my mind: Silly roommy got her English all confused. She must have meant something fell into the sink)
After going to the bathroom
Me: Holy crap! The sink fell!!!
The sinking sink, the sunken sink, the sink sank? Thinking of sinking sinks lol
And then the other roommate came home and was (in her own words) " ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻ "
But as the first roommate put it: "The good thing about not having a bathroom sink is that you can just reach through the counter where the sink should be to grab whatever is underneath."
Living on the bright side like a boss~
Derping on the Road
My friend Guavi and I were heading
Ode to the WiiMy last journal seems to have gone over pretty well. So since the Wii is slowly starting to come to a close before Nintendo's next big console release (The Wii U), I thought it would be fun to talk about games which are for the Wii and which might've been overlooked for one reason or another.
It should be noted that not ALL of these are the most AMAZING and BEST GAMES EVER! But I do think that at least 90% of these games should at least be looked at. If you have a Wii and complain that it doesn't have any games that interest you, I strongly recommend you go through this list. If you see a game you haven't heard about or played, rent it and try it out for yourself. There are a lot of gems which didn't get any press or were generally overlooked because of excessive amounts of "shovel-ware" titles clouding up retail stores.
The general perception of the Wii is that there aren't any good games for it. Prove the naysayers wrong and check these titles out. The best part? Most of these titles
Merry Christmas Zelda TIMELINE!Nintendo is celebrating Zelda's 25 year anniversary by releasing a Zelda encyclopedia/art book in Japan. From early reports and translations there's something rather unexpected in there... the much sought after Zelda Timeline.
Trying to figure out the Zelda timeline has been a geek pastime for decades, and it's only been made more desirable thanks to Nintendo releasing cryptic responses of both "yes we have one" to "no we don't" over the years. With the caveat that this might all be bunk because it's too early to tell just yet, here is how Nintendo sees the Zelda timeline: http://wii.ign.com/articles/121/1215301p1.html
First up you need to understand one thing... there IS a split in the timeline thanks to Ocarina of Time. Yes the split timeline theory IS correct... sort of. What you probably didn't know is that the split isn't into two alternate timelines resulting from the different endings... but actually THREE timelines. Let me explain...
In chronological order:
Everyone needs to see this. Pet CPR.Reposting this from Tumblr, cause I feel it's important that as many people as possible sees this and knows how to do this. Please spread the word! I wanna encourage everyone to repost this in their journals.
Pet CPR is not nearly as common knowledge as it should be. You may think you'll never actually need to know how to do this. But I can tell you; it happens. Cause it happened to me.
This is a picture of my late dog, a great dane named Tiger. (cropped out my mom who's in the picture.) Tiger died at the age of only 2, of a heart attack (heart flaw), on my living room floor one day when I was alone home 3 years ago.
My mother, who is a nurse assistant had literally left the house only 10 minutes previously to go shopping. One minute, my happy boy was his fine, happy, laid back self. The next thing I know, he's laying unresponsive on the floor. And I panic.
I called my mom who instructed me on how to do CPR over the phone while she was hurrying home. But I was too
Culture Clash!I'm still groggy from my trip, so here's a list of oddities I noticed being a foreigner experiencing another country for the first time.
If you want power, you need to turn the outlets on, and to do that you gotta push a switch down.
TV has far fewer commercial breaks.
English police are super nice (watched the British version of "COPS" and was amazed at how polite everyone was, even the criminals).
The second floor is called the first.
French Fries are called Chips.
Chips are called Crisps.
American-centric music doesn't stay here (Heard "Sweet Home Alabama" quite a number of times over there).
You are not expected to tip people (this was very hard for me to accept and I always felt guilty not tipping our waiters).
You are not expected to clean up your messes in food courts or.. anywhere actually (Janitors come by and clean up for you. Has something to do with security and getting rid of bomb threats).
Elevators are called Lifts.
Air conditioning seems scarce.
Always carry a big bottl
Not paranormal but it could beGot any stories from the news that could be explained but are still somewhat mysterious? Stories like:
A few years ago I was watching the news when they said a man had been driving on a dark lonely road out in the country when he suddenly ran over a person on the road. He called the hospital, but when the ambulance got there it turned out the man had been dead for a while. The car's wheels hadn't hit anything vital and nothing on the man's body suggested he had been murdered.
Another time the news told of a Danish man who had disappeared. The police had been looking for him for only a few days when they got a call from Canada. Some Canadian hikers had found the man in the mountains, dead. He was wearing normal everyday clothes, his house keys and wallet in his pockets. He even had his car key despite the car still being back in Denmark.
Both stories could be explained. Maybe the man on the road had a heart attack. Maybe the guy in the mountains wanted to die and chose the Canadia
Coming OutIt's true, I am Chinese and I was born this way.
At a young age I began to notice this difference. I was attracted to neither boys nor girls. In middle school, I liked math, and in college, I did my homework all night long.
Being Chinese is not a choice, it is genetic. There are risks to being Chinese because society cannot accept the union between a human and a textbook. I have Chinese friends who didn't need sex because they could foreplay instruments and get screwed by O Chem instead. Now, they don't have a social life and are shunned by others.
But fear not, life will get better. I grew up as a Chinese and I am proud of it (just look at my tumblr user name Maid-en-China ). There is the LGBTC (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Chinese) community to help you be comfortable with your Chinese orientation.
1,338,299,512 people came out as Chinese. You are not alone.
April fools!!! ... Oh wait...
Update: Yes, this is obviously a j
Doomsday....sorry; you missed it.Since the concept of the Leap Year was first implemented back in 45BC, there have been about 514 of them.
Without the extra day every 4 years, we would be in 2013.
As the Mayan Calendar doesn't take leap years into account; 2012 has been and gone.
(Edit - no: I'm not smart enough to work that out myself. I read it!)
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
Keep in Touch!