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a tale of butterOnce you start reading this, you cannot turn back.
Well you could, but would you reeeeeeeeally want to do it?
KEEP ON READING OR YOUR EYES WILL IMPLODE.
One day, *humon was surfing the internet.
She was just looking at her favorite pages when all of a sudden a new tab opened up.
She was confused, since she didn't click on any link whatsoever. The tab didn't show anything, just a white screen. When she tried to close the tab, nothing happened. She kept pressing the X to close it, but instead the tab turned to full size. Suddenly, the white screen of the tab turned completely black.
It wasn't only the tab screen that turned black, all the button and everything else on her screen did the same.
Even her mouse disappeared off the screen.
After a little while, she decided to turn her computer off because she simply thought it was broken.
This was a fatal mistake.
Out of nowhere, a full screen picture of :iconcaptainfanclub: appeared on the black screen.
It was most unexpected.
As she loo

wedding timesI got married to :iconmeeshkamodel: , yay.
See if you can spot the person who plays/inspired the personality of :iconpilotfanclub: in this picture:
(hint: the gaze bores into your soul)
Much wedding cake was had, almost as much as was thrown at our table during MCM london show (after Captain demanded cake) and 40+ cakes and cupcakes were brought.
You can support RA / send us a wedding gift via:
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick

GLORIOUS TIDINGSI'd like to thank everyone who donated for a new computer for RA production to continue!
You are all super-awesome and here's the new RA comic for your reading pleasures: http://romanticallyapocalyptic.com/
If you're in Chicago this weekend, come meet captain at the C2E2 expo:
http://www.c2e2.com/
:iconcaptainfanclub: and team will be floating around table O9. (letter O, nine)
Look for "Zee Captain" in the brochure for artists alley.
Also, Captain is coming to Calgary, Alberta!
http://www.calgaryexpo.com/
If you're in Calgary in two weeks, come get your shoes and pants signed by Captain and crew!
We will be at the table G06. (G, zero six)

ENGIE: RegretsI was at first too stupid to see that we were no longer using ANNIE but Annie was using us.
She was a goddess in the machine, our search engine.
We used her to collect and share knowledge and in return she had started to use us as her processors. It was an unexpected transition and it took a long time, thus I failed to notice it, failed to stop it. The new organism had come to life in which we were only neuron cells of her massive mind, that spanned continents.
Humanity no longer had a chance to survive in it's current state. We had poisoned the oceans, we had scorched the earth and blackened the sky in our quest for power.
The world we knew was dying. I knew that this decade would be our last. The city would fall to the Zone, sooner or later.
Research notes from the last report of Charles Snippy terrified me greatly. They had found something horrid in the Dead Zone. Something that killed them all.
The Dead Zone Research and Tourism i

SNIPPY: REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAYOctober something, something.
Today captain declared as "REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAY".
The day begun with me getting smacked with a broken laptop and yells "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!".
I tried to protest that laptops weren't attacking people in the mornings back in the past. To this, Captain declared that in fact they didn't have to, because users were so addicted to reading their daily mail facts that every morning they woke up smacking their heads on their laptops.
Then my head was treated to a barrage of empty, metal SPAM cans with words "SPAM MAIL! DODGE THE SPAM! USE FILTERS!".
With these words, captain gave me two old tennis rackets. The tennis rackets had yellow duck-tape stickers on them with words "DELETE" and "BLOCK EMAIL ADDRESS".
The spam can attack didn't end there, Pilot's job for today was hiding behind building ruins and throwing the spam cans at me at random intervals with yells of "INCREASE YOUR GENITAL SIZE!", "RUSSIAN BRIDE LOVES YOU" and "I AM NIGERIAN PRINCE WITH 56 BILL

PILOT: THINGS I LIKETHE TINY TAG ON MY INSIDE FOLD OF MY JACKET SAYS "SG CHRISTOPHORUS HATCHENSON".
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SOMEONE I LIKE.
MAYBE I KILLED THEM FOR THIS JACKET.
THIS JACKET IS SOFT AND FITTING.
I AM PILOT. CAPTAIN CALLS ME PILOT, SO I MUST BE PILOT.
I FLY THINGS. I FLEW THE CAPTAIN ONCE ON A MISSION OF GREAT IMPORTANCE. WE HAD A SKY-ACCIDENT.
CAPTAIN SAVED MY LIFE FROM THE BURNING CARCASS OF THE FLYING COW.
CAPTAIN IS MAGIC, LIKE HARRY POTTER BUT MORE MAGIC.
CAPTAIN CAN STOP CLOCKS, I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT. THE COW'S CLOCKS AND DIALS FROZE IN PLACE WHEN CAPTAIN GAVE THEM A STERN LOOK.
THE MIRACLES OF CAPTAIN ARE INFINITE AND GREAT.
CAPTAIN LIVES FOREVER. I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE.
THE CITY OF THE DEAD IS MY HOME.
THE DEAD LIKE TO PLAY GAMES AND TALK TO ME,

Pilot: SHOEDEAR SHOE,
THAT'S RIGHT YOU ARE A SHOE.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT NOT BEING A SHOE BECAUSE IN MY MIND YOU ARE ONE AND THAT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE.
AS LONG AS I HAVE YOU CONCEPTUALIZED AS A SHOE IN MY IMAGINATION YOU SHALL REMAIN AS SUCH.
THIS MAKES ME WONDER WHETHER ALL PEOPLES AND OBJECTS CAN BE CONCEPTUALIZED AS SHOES AND THUS BECOME SUCH, GRANTING ME ABSOLUTE POWER OVER THEM. DOES SNIPPY HAVE A CLEVER ARGUMENT? NO HE DOESN'T, HE'S A SHOE. SHOES CAN'T HAVE CLEVER ARGUMENTS.
I FEEL LIKE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS UNDER MY CONTROL, NOW THAT YOU ARE ALL SHOES. I NO LONGER HAVE TO ANSWER TO MY REGRETS AND PAST MISTAKES BECAUSE THEY ARE SIMPLY SHOES.
I WAS EVEN ABLE TO PAINT PHOTOSHOP IN PURPLE COLOR (TO PLEASE CAPTAIN) AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN PUT UP A PROPER FIGHT BECAUSE I IMAGINED HER AS A SHOE.
MAYBE I CAN IMAGINE THE

SNIPPY: QUESTIONABLE REALITYI definitely thought about killing Captain, especially after several pranks that were pulled on me like that time when I woke up with a bucket super-glued to my head and declared "iron man".
Or that time when Captain made a soup out of my gas mask filters because the broth needed the "Smooth flavour of Snippy" and salt wasn't available... so I had to roam the decaying shopping malls for a new pair.
Or that time when Captain pushed me into a watery abyss inside a wooden barrel to celebrate "Niagara falls day".
Have my thoughts become so compounded as to finally cause schizophrenia?
...Am I a stone throw away from becoming like Pilot, talking to pet rocks and building the Bastion of Captania out of rotting shoe boxes?
And if I were to kill Captain who would I have left?
I must have been talking out loud like those crazy hobos that lived outside the protectorate dome that communicated with radioactive rain clouds via conversations of interpretive dance, until they were consumed by a famil

ENGIE: PROTOCOL 1-1-3Zee Captain's note of summons had sealed my fate.
I felt a cold pull at my stomach. Something else was coming, re-awakened by the presence of Captain.
Something worse than the shuffling noises of the red beasts outside. The sound of falling cannonball.
Whatever that fleshy monstrosity was, it cared not for me, but it's presence here led ANNIE straight to me.
...And it came to pass on the morrow, that the goddess in the machine came upon me and she wanted vengeance.
She was online, the thermonuclear bombardment of the core databank cube had failed to shut her down.
She was still alive, after all these years.
The explosive crash-landing of the hunter machine through the old roof drew THEIR attention.
I was now between two wild beasts, out for my blood.
What was Protocol 1-1-3?
Memories of Directorate weapon codes lingered in my mind, poisoning my thought pattern.
Could it be?
...So this was to be my death.
ANNIE had let me know that she

Charles Snippy: DreamsEntry 382:
My personal online psychiatrist is making me narrate this nonsense down on the chip embedded in my tooth in hopes that someday I may be cured of my "incompatibility" with ANNET, or at least possibly reduce the "mild psychosis caused by work-related stress" as she calls it.
I know that it's not going to happen. The problem is something genetic and while those goons in the genetics department would love to get their machines into my brain, I prefer the lack of sleep and headaches to lobotomy.
I seen the reports on their test subjects: "total neural shut-down", "subject resists integration with the net, increasing the signal strength lead to damage to the 85% of the frontal lobe."
Call me old fashioned, but I like my brain the way it is.
I've had that day-dream again. Day-mare is more likely.
A flash-mare? Not sure what to call these, really.
The transmitter towers dotting this bloody city are making my life difficult, but not as difficult as the fact that everyone expects me t

SNIPPY: evidence"Blasted mug!"
I looked at it hatefully.
"This is all your fault!"
I attempted to throw the mug at the Arbitrator, to smash it, to let go of it.
Nothing of the sort was possible.
I flailed left and right. The mug did not budge. I could not let it go, no matter how hard I tried. It was as if it were glued to me with a strange static-like substance. It rolled between my fingers and from one hand to the other, but it was as if I were made of iron and the mug were a powerful rare-earth magnetic bearing coated with oil.
Why can't I let go of the mug?!
Did the Arbitrator's reconstruction of my organs have anything to do with this?
Upon giving up to prying the mug out of my hands, I turned to the Arbitrator and spoke.
I made my case calmly and clearly, pressuring various facts that my DNA couldn't possibly be on the mug and that I looked nothing like Captain and that it might as well scan my memories for evidence or something of that sort.

Why are you here?In this journal.
TELL ME ALL THE TRUTHS.

SNIPPY: ON THE ROAD TO...September something something.
Sadly this chip is only good for recording and not for playback.
I've definitely long lost track of time, traveling with Captain from one part of the city to another.
It's probably not even September, but most likely October. Anyway it doesn't really matter, because it's always cold thanks to nuclear winter and it's always either snowing or "ashening" with rare instances of sunlight breaking through the thick, gloomy, black clouds overhead.
I've made many mistakes in my past, and I don't have much to look forward in the future, but yet I keep living for some reason, even if that reason is captain's continuous entertainment.
Everyday before I fall asleep I think of what horrible things the captain will do tomorrow. This week the bastard kept dressing me up in ridiculous outfits and giving me new "personalities to play". Where does one find the time to dig up costumes? Yesterday I woke up all dressed up like an old lady a

Charles snippy: TRANSFERENTRY: 377:
For several months of torture, the Directorate kept me in their offices, making me file paperwork on their "test subjects", all while I kept sending applications to the "Dead Zone tourism" branch, to get away from towering cubes of the Directorate, away from cities and transmitter towers that were slowly frying my brain.
Centuries of industrial pollution were inevitably changing the biosphere of our world and the Directorate knew it better than anyone, yet they did nothing to stop it, profit had to be maximized, production had to be increased, customers had to be satisfied. Holes in the ozone layer, irreversible changes in the atmosphere, radioactive fallout, wild-life mutations, the days growing darker and the sky turning black - none of this mattered to them.
These changes must have been so gradual that no single generation was able to protest it.
Everyone was happily, playfully, and joyfully ignoring the world outside o

FOLLOWINGAttempting to ignore the metallic voices of common household objects that still reverberated in my head, I walked around the apartment complex in severe agitation.
Are they actually plotting to kill captain?
Did they dispose of... Pilot?
Who are they?
Why have they taken the forms of mug, straw and ladybug?
Why can I hear them?
Has the fabric of my reality completely unraveled itself?
Have I gone mad?
Surely, there is a sensible explanation for all of this.
I bet Captain recorded these voices with Pilot just to mess with my head using an audio-player and hid it in the floorboards.
Indeed! That must be it! How gullible of me...
Pfff... talking mugs!
I bet I'm going to find out a new entry in the calendar that marks today as "Household object uprising, from which only Snippy's left boot can save the day".
Captain and Engie's footsteps led out of the building, so I followed them, hoping to find explanation, clarification, anything really

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Devious Journal Entry

Tue May 22, 2012, 4:27 PM

Good ol' alexiuss has been using my computer all day and forgot to log out of his DA account, so this is him getting trolled.

With love, Humon.

320 Comments

Devious Journal Entryby `alexiuss

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~Ori-J Jun 11, 2012

*humon is Supreme Ultimate. Official.

~Iyasha Jun 9, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

awesome

~BlitzKreg-Trixie Jun 9, 2012 Student Digital Artist

Total win!!

~Mekkababble May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

You're both only like... my favorite artists ever. I'm so glad you're friends.

~Crimson-Squirrel May 26, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Ah the beauty of friendship (& between my two favourite comic artists, aswell) ... I'm sure he's glad that you only did this and not change up his entire DA profile or someodd nonsense.

~dannyandsam4ever May 25, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

XD Win.

!Augusts-Knight May 25, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

Dirty.

~bllixy May 25, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Wow! Thats hilarious

~TheHappy3 May 25, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

Way to go, haha!

~SammyTT May 25, 2012 Hobbyist Photographer

Yay for trolling!

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Devious Journal Entryby `alexiuss

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