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January 18, 2012
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SNIPPY: REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAY

Wed Jan 18, 2012, 1:52 AM



October something, something.
Today captain declared as "REMEMBERANCES OF THE PAST DAY".

The day begun with me getting smacked with a broken laptop and yells "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!".
I tried to protest that laptops weren't attacking people in the mornings back in the past. To this, Captain declared that in fact they didn't have to, because users were so addicted to reading their daily mail facts that every morning they woke up smacking their heads on their laptops.

Then my head was treated to a barrage of empty, metal SPAM cans with words "SPAM MAIL! DODGE THE SPAM! USE FILTERS!".
With these words, captain gave me two old tennis rackets. The tennis rackets had yellow duck-tape stickers on them with words "DELETE" and "BLOCK EMAIL ADDRESS".

The spam can attack didn't end there, Pilot's job for today was hiding behind building ruins and throwing the spam cans at me at random intervals with yells of "INCREASE YOUR GENITAL SIZE!", "RUSSIAN BRIDE LOVES YOU" and "I AM NIGERIAN PRINCE WITH 56 BILLION DOLLAR OFFER FOR U".

Captain then gave me a filthy, blue sash that said "INTERNET EXPLORER 37.0" and demanded me to fetch foods from EBAY.
The old shopping mall where we found supplies yesterday now bore a massive spray painted sign "EBAY" on it. I still have no idea how they created this masterpiece of utterly pointless vandalism. Short of captain holding Pilot upside down and Pilot spray-painting the letters I coudn't think of anything.

Upon opening the mall's doors, I fell straight through the floor. Damn mold must have eaten through the old floor, I thought... but then I heard captain's comments "INTERNET EXPLORER HAS CRASHED" and it became clear to me that the floor was somehow sabotaged.
I decided to be much more careful from there on, knowing that there would probably be more traps that were meant to crash internet explorer.
"POPUPS!" Captain's voice bellowed from above, as cardboard boxes rained on me. One of them with the words "XXX GIRLS" hit me square on the head.

I woke with Pilot hovering over me, wearing a greenish, moldy sash with words "NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR".
"YOU WILL BE REPLACED!" Pilot's arms flailed back and forth in front of my face like a crazy dance.

"BROWSER WAR!" Captain boomed from above. "WHOEVER CAN MAKE IT OUT OF THE SUB-BASEMENT FIRST, WILL NOT BE SHUT DOWN".
I didn't like the sound of that.
"ROLE OF FIREFOX WILL BE PLAYED BY PHOTOSHOP"  Captain's voice continued,
THE BROWSER REMAINING IN THE SUB-BASEMENT WILL FACE FIREFOX IN A BATTLE TO THE DEATH, AND WILL LIKELY BE TERMINATED BY 300 SHARP TEETH"
I saw the worm monster being slowly lowered into the hole, red stripes were painted on it. The hungry beast emitted screeching noises that echoed throughout the building. At this rate, its friends would be coming soon.
I reached for my rifle strap, finding nothing. Great, they must have taken it while I slept.
Pilot stared at me from the corner, then at the worm monster with red stripes, and then made a jump for the door.
I followed, picking up speed.
Pilot thew another SPAM can at me, and I barely dodged it.
Netscape, I mean Pilot.. was already halfway up the stairs.
Suddenly, a sack of SPAM cans was emptied from above, hundreds of cans coming down the stairs making a horrid rattling noise.
Pilot pulled two rackets that were tied to his back, slapping the cans out of the way.
I had no such defenses, as I left the rackets back in the first room, and thus the cans rained on my head, derailing my steps and slowing me down.
Firefox screeched and crooned from behind, urging me to run faster. It sounded like a mad pigeon amplified through a megaphone.
Pilot jumped across several steps. I think he did serious gymnastics or something back in the army, damn my office life.
Just as I reached the door, captain appeared in front of me, blocking the way to freedom.
A large black board connected with my facemask as the metal door bearing it snapped shut right in front of me.
There were chalk scribbles on the board spelling a 4 letter word" S O P A " and below it "THIS ENTRY WAS CENSORED BY U.S GOVERNMENT".
I desperately clawed against the board feeling surely doomed today, just like the 2012 internet users.

Add a Comment:
 
:iconwheretostart:
WhereToStart Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Writer
Hilarious!
Reply
:iconsol4rplexus:
Sol4rpleXus Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aaaand he gets hurt, once again!
Reply
:iconnosferatu4444:
nosferatu4444 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
nice
Reply
:iconnorimori:
NoriMori Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2012
Firefox beats Internet Explorer. I KNEW it. I just keep finding more reasons to like you, alexiuss!

"Pilot jumped across several steps. I think he did serious gymnastics or something back in the army, damn my office life."

Well, what you lack in gymnastics you make up for with intelligence and determination! Plus you're a badass. I mean, you climbed out of a whale's blowhole, for God's sake, and you set the Cancer on fire by shooting propane tanks and surviving the inferno with your fireproof coat. If that's not badass, I don't know what is. Plus you're good with a rifle. Though I don't think that will help you in this situation. :P
Reply
:iconcalamitystudios:
CalamityStudios Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012
oh dear, snippy... what a day
Reply
:iconoldbookslover:
oldbookslover Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
oh. my god. mn deiu. mon got.
Reply
:iconnoneofurbussiness:
noneofurbussiness Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012
Damn! Snippy needs another sane person to hang with...
Reply
:iconnorimori:
NoriMori Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012
Wowwwww hahaha!
Reply
:iconvirfortis777:
Virfortis777 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2012  Student Artist
oh snippy....
Reply
:iconmauma88:
Mauma88 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2012
I love you. I really do. Or at least the way you think, write and draw. It's just unimaginably beautiful and fascinating!
(Even if I have enough of reading about SOPA, ACTA ect. ;p)
Reply
:iconkeixayaka:
keixayaka Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Netscape, I mean Pilot.." Hahahah. Snippy, you really did crash..

That was an awesome journal entry--you connect things with such epic-ness. "I desperately clawed against the board feeling surely doomed today, just like the 2012 internet users." Indeed. :)
Reply
:iconreversefrown:
ReverseFrown Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012  Student Photographer
ROFLMAO, your such a genius man. Ending was hilarious~
Reply
:iconeriietcetera:
EriiEtCetera Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012
XD this was hilarious to read
Reply
:iconskarabog:
Skarabog Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
aaahhh... the history of the internet...
Reply
:iconchickichikiboomboom:
ChickiChikiBoomBoom Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012  Student General Artist
D': poor snippy. poor us.
Reply
:iconfishpaste89:
FisHPastE89 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
hahahahhaa thats funny
Reply
:iconlastoftheannunaki:
LastOfTheAnnunaki Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012
Captain! You government fiend!
Reply
:iconmauser7:
Mauser7 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
*dies on the floor laughing* That's exactly how being on the internet works!
Reply
:iconigneobern:
IgneoBern Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012
That was truly entertaining to read! Lots of fun! I must say I'm really loving these journal entries so much. I'm learning a lot more about the way the characters act on a day-to-day basis. :)
And I love the SOPA bit at the end! XD
I know this is a journal and not a deviation, but I think the writing could benefit from a bit of fixing up, maybe some more sensory detail. But all in all it was really fun, so thanks for the treat! :D
Reply
:iconcauseallidoisdance:
causeallidoisdance Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
XD you are truly AWESOME.
Reply
:iconharuhi65:
haruhi65 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Kill sopa
Reply
:iconmissinginautumn:
MissingInAutumn Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012
Epically true
Reply
:iconblacksnowwonderland:
BlackSnowWonderland Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
BAM! SOPA BLOCK!
Reply
:iconkreepingspawn:
KreepingSpawn Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
This should be a video game. :nod:
Reply
:icondragonizer:
Dragonizer Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This had me laughing out loud in several places. Poor Mr. Snippy. It's a wonder he lasted even a few days with Captain and Pilot. =P
Reply
:iconthedarkestraven1608:
TheDarkestRaven1608 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Perhaps that's how the (online) world's gonna end. By SOPA.
Reply
:iconboredmonkey102:
Boredmonkey102 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconbravoplz:
Reply
:iconluigiswayze:
luigiswayze Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
poor snippy
Reply
:iconsirferrick:
SirFerrick Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I applaud you, good sir.
Reply
:iconandalitexd:
AndaliteXD Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:icontobuscusclapplz:
Reply
:iconmotorroach:
MotorRoach Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
This SOPA must be stopped. Even the White House is against it.
Reply
:iconpotassiumk:
PotassiumK Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:clap:



...That's all I have to say on the matter.
Reply
:iconxxheartcircuitxx:
xXHeartCircuitXx Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconclapplz: :iconsaysplz: I SAY! WE MUST STOP THIS SO CALLED SOPA >w>

loll this was true epicness! Bravo!
Reply
:iconauraming96:
auraming96 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This...is...simply...AMAZING!!! MHAHHAHAHA
Reply
:iconamutoneko:
AmutoNeko Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
i love ROMANTICALLY APOCALYPTIC figh against SOPA
Reply
:iconlmonlimecat:
LmonLimeCat Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
i love snippy and captain...
Reply
:icontrudos:
Trudos Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student General Artist
There are not words to describe this brilliance
Reply
:iconhamlethouse:
hamlethouse Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, Snippy, Pilot and Captain...How I love you.
This journal entry...Was amazing.
Reply
:iconamayahaki:
AmayahAki Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
i love you
Reply
:iconcatsterw:
Catsterw Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
You are seriously a genius.
Reply
:iconrarino:
rarino Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
This. Was. EPIC!!!
Reply
:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is such an amusing twist =P
Reply
:iconpsfox:
PsFox Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
A nice twist on the protest! Something tells me Snippy is an avid protester :P
Reply
:iconsilverninjawolf:
SilverNinjaWolf Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
THE. BEST. JOURNAL. EVER!!!!!!
Reply
:iconwipdeedoo:
WipDeeDoo Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
This is the most amazing thing to ever be made in the history of my life (my life SO FAR! <--crappy Simpsons Movie reference)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconthefinalfrontier1701:
Brilliant. Hilarious and brilliant.
Reply
:iconthewolfinred:
TheWolfInRed Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is like Epic had a child with Amazing, then the child of Fantastic and Fabulous (Fantabulous) married Epic and Amazing's child and they gave birth to this.
Reply
:iconmrunsmiley:
MRUNSMiLey Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Pure awesomeness wrapped in awesomeness. This is great dialogue!
Reply
:iconprincesspuffpupp5153:
Nice way to show protest against SOPA!
Reply
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